When you first arrive in SL, it can be very confusing and disorienting. People who have been used to computer games which have a storyline and an aim, or those where you can win or lose, live or die, often find SL the most disorienting of all. For a start, you can choose to be yourself, assume a character, roleplay, or adopt one of the subcultural identities common in SL. Or if you are skilled enough, all of the above. You can be the same sex, opposite sex, interchangeable, hybrid or asexual. It's all very loose and open-ended.
It has been pointed out that man is not evolved to deal with the virtual reality which we are engaged in when we're in SL. Over millennia, if people saw something -- a charging rhino for example -- they would assume it was real, and our bodies and physiology are still set up that way. After all, in RL if you wonder whether the ten-ton truck hurtling towards you is real or not, before acting, you will in all likelihood end up splattered over the road. Often the intensity of our reactions to things that are "not real" can be surprising. Being moved, or excited, or upset by things which happen in a virtual environment isn't silly or stupid, it is natural.
I have often noticed that new people seem completely open and unprotected. At first, this seems endearing and positive, but gradually you come to realise that people who are this open and this unprotected may be exposing themselves to harm, and that the ability to protect yourself, to be defended, is something that comes with time and experience. People reveal personal detail, or suddenly relate very personal stories, to people they don't know, and who may or may not be able to be trusted with the information. Great friendships can begin this way, but it can also be harmful to make revelations about your history or your life to people you don't know. Avoid this if you can.
I was completely overwhelmed by the amount of information which was available, and loved the sharp learning curve I ascended in my first few weeks. I had a hunger to learn all I could about the world. I am not sure I would have managed as easily now, when there is a considerably increased amount of information to absorb, and a much, much bigger world. I was in a hurry, played through the night and found it hard to switch off, at weekends. I'm not sure now what the hurry was, but I often meet people who are almost fighting with themselves about whether to go to bed, or stay in world and talk. It can help to try to set a time to leave and stick to it, because burning out through playing SL and getting up for work three hours later, isn't going to do anyone any good.
I found that it took me at least a couple of months to find out who I was in SL. I thought it was as simple as trying to be the person I am in real life (not physically, but in my character) but there are lots of things I would never do in RL that I have done in SL. Physically I went for making an avatar a lot like the one I used in my previous online activity, who is 25 and lithe and pretty, though I don't lie about my age, and readily admit to being twenty years older if asked. Gradually I found my place in the world, decided what I would and would not do, where my boundaries lay and what I considered moral and immoral in SL. That has to be a personal choice, it isn't something that anyone can impose on you. It may surprise you to find where your boundaries are.
It takes time to find out who you are, to find out what you enjoy, and to find your feet in SL, and it has to be given time. The best possible option is to listen more than you talk, and to explore more than you listen. That helps enormously to find your way in world, to find out where you feel at home. Finding people you like, and who can share the experience is something that most people like to do, although there are some who prefer to stay solitary. As in RL, looking for activities which interest you, where you can meet people is a very good way to go about this.
Finally, but most importantly: relationships. Lots of people are shocked by the intensity of feeling that can arise when getting to know someone in SL. As in RL, it helps if the rules of engagement are clear. If you are single and looking for RL love, and your SL relationship is very important to you, it will be a disaster if the person you link up with is married, and dabbling with half a dozen avatars in SL.
Many people worry about the possibility of linking up with someone who is under age, or the "wrong" sex. I can't tell you this won't happen. I once organised a party for an avatar who purported to be in his twenties, only to find someone hurtling in to say he was 15 years old, and had seriously hurt her friend, who was 26, by getting involved in a relationship with her. That was looong before open registration, and so the chances of this happening are bound to have increased. Originally I was convinced that I would know if I was in conversation with a minor, but I realised with this experience that it isn't always the case. The only way to be sure that the person you are involved with is an adult and not the "wrong" sex, is to talk on Skype or MSN -- and even that isn't foolproof.
Finally, give yourself time. Time to adjust to the environment, and time to learn and grow within it. If you need help, there are many places to find it, from the official volunteer groups to unofficial support groups.
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This is the first in a series of mini-interviews with the residents of Second Life. For the most part, I'll try to leave the responses unedited, except where editing will grant greater clarity. Get to know these people; they're worth befriending!